Service held at Walkerville Uniting Church on May 2 2001

Meredith Bowman – Eulogy for our Mum Mary Parker
Mother of Meredith and Kate

Thankyou all for being here today to honour the life of our mother Mary Parker. Thoughts also go to all those who have rung or written, who have spoken of their admiration and closeness to Mum but can’t be here today.

Please bear with me if there are waves of tears. They will pass. Mum was quite concerned that Kate and I would be feeling very emotional at this service – as we do at all such sad events! I’d told Mum that Christie would be coming to the funeral and Mum had said “How lovely”. We continued discussing things around the funeral when she asked me” Will you be going?” “WHAT I said!”. I assured her that Kate and I would be here and probably “blabbering with bells on”. Her comment-“Oh dear”.

Mum was called Granny our immediate families, Granny Parker to many of our friends and Auntie Mid to the cousins. Messages have come in from around Australia and the globe (via email) affirming their appreciation of “Granny Parker”.

Living a full life for 89 years she gave us quality and quantity…She gave of her self.. All of us here have experienced that I’m sure. Our friendships and relationships gave HER life its depth of meaning. Whenever we visited her or spoke to her or shared holidays/time with her we always left feeling better than when we’d arrived. She lifted people’s spirits and was amazingly unaware of it.

A SKETCH OF HER LIFE
Mary Moyle was born in Helensville New Zealand in 1911.

She was the daughter of Walter Lindo Moyle and Lucy Anne (maiden name) Morton. She was the 6th child of their family of 8. (Most of you will be familiar with the ripper photograph of the 8 children lined up in order of age and seemingly precisely graded heights…) There were 2 boys and 6 girls. Only one of this special family remains alive. Dear Auntie Nell! Only 6 weeks ago at 87, she returned to Brisbane – by plane-Virgin (with stiff upper lip I might add, because  her sister Mid, had spent 3 special weeks together.) Aunty Nell would love to be with us today and she is in spirit.

Back to Granny’s life story. 

The family Walter, Lucy and their 8 little children returned to South Australia’s midnorth in 1916. Lucy our grandmother died of cancer shortly afterwards and our grandfather Walter brought up his family of 8, with all the siblings learning to mother each other. Aunty Nell and Mum talked a lot this time of their father and kept shaking their heads in amazement at the wonderful job he had done as a father…”What a fine man he was” they’d say. He was way ahead of his time in insisting that all the girls would receive a secondary education – which meant boarding away from home at another country centre.
Granny had polio as a young infant at the crawling stage and she always limped. She referred to her “gammy leg” but never let it stop her. She played tennis and danced at the local country dances and going backwards was no mean feat. (non-intentioned pun). She walked proudly and upright until 5 weeks ago. Her father felt that she might not marry because of this gammy leg and decided that she should have a career. Mum would twinkle her eyes when telling this story…adding “Well it’s a bit of a joke because I married twice and there were other offers.”

She chose teaching and loved her profession -especially the children. As a single parent it gave her an income with which she was able to support us. …even sending us to MLC.
Again – no mean feat.

At 15-17 she was a teaching apprentice at Watervale Primary School. It’s only a mile or 2 from their farm at The Sheoaks. I have a snippet reflecting on old times, written by Auntie Kath for Granny’s 75th …
I felt very proud and fortunate in having a sister teaching there. Mid
used to ride Spotty our piebald pony in to school and tie his bridle up
and send him off home so I could ride to school. Dear faithful Spotty
would always come straight home well almost always”. (Some excuse
for being late “Sorry Spotty was grazing”.)

Life on the farm was full of music- singing around the piano, playing cards and games, picnics and concerts.

At 17 Granny attended the Adelaide Teachers College and loved it. Her first class taken in front of a supervising lecturer was a resounding success. She had “IT” i.e. experience, a genuine love of children and special eye contact. 

At 18 (almost on her birthday) she was posted to a little one teacher school on the far West Coast 20 miles from Penong… beyond Ceduna. This was New Way School and she spent 2 happy years there.
Many of you have heard the snake stories!
She lived with a family whose children attended the school. She was a respected member of that family…even being given the honour of the first bath! A daughter was in Year 7 and she drove the horse and cart to and from school each day.
The teacher and children would stand on the back ledge of the cart, holding on for dear life. They’d sing as they rocked and bounced over the mulga roots, ducking to dodge the overhanging boughs.

The Year 7 boys were young men to Mum. They chopped the wood, killed the snakes, cleared the loo and fixed emergency situations. They were miles from other farmhouses and Mum was only 18. She relied on the adult sense of responsibility held by those Year 7 children. One pupil Howard Simpson was only 5 years younger than Mum.. He and his wife visited her often in recent years and Mum would say “I’ve had an ex pupil visit today. He’s 82”. Howard also recently helped solve the 58 year old mystery of Tom Bowman’s burial and that meant a great deal to Mum.

Marge Durdin was another teacher on the Coast and she wrote this reflection in 1986
Reflections of life on the Coast in the 30s and her friendship with our Mother.
My first remembrance of Mary was at the football in Penong. I overheard “Who is that girl over there? I really don’t know.. I reckon she’s a teacher. She’s wearing stockings of that new shade.” (GunMetal I think it’s called): I was from Fowlers Bay and she was Mary from New Way. So now we knew each other and the knowing has gone on ever since.”

This is a theme of Mum’s lifelong friendships.

A brief sketch of the one teacher schools –
Age 20 – posted to Wheatleigh on the Yorke Peninsula for 4 years. Lots more money than Penong – better farmland.
Age 24 to Berbrae near Naracoorte – bit uppity there.
Age 25 Hill River near Clare – closer to family
At 26 Edillile -West Coast- Beaut area. This is where she met Tom Bowman.

All her schools had a fife band. All children were competent letter writers by the time of the dreaded QC. Ever since those days she’s found it necessary to correct the odd  grammatical mistake…”Excuse me for interrupting but it’s “different FROM not different TO”.

Friends were made in all these schools and their communities.
All her sisters were married by the late 30s. When their father was sick and in fact dying, Mum resigned from The Education Department and returned home to help care for him. He died after 5 weeks.

Tom successfully pursued her and in 1940 they were married.
The war was ON. Tom enlisted and was sent to the Middle East on active service. I was born in April 1942 and he was killed at El Alamein in October of the same year. That tragedy was always part of Mum’s makeup. She integrated it but never forgot the pain. With the help of her family she “moved on”. We lived with Aunty Aileen and the different farms with their new babies. What fun we had as children. The extended family was woven further in to a primary family group.

In 1947 she bought and fought to acquire a property at Largs Bay. It would be a beach house for the country cousins.: a sensible buy for potential teaching work and a flat for income. Aunty Aileen and Uncle Eric, Colin and Molly moved from Clare to Largs and started a new city chapter with us. Mother began teaching again at Largs Bay Infant School.

A friend of my father and a friend of the Bowman sisters at Ardrossan was Ralph Parker. He worked at the army barracks at Keswick and helped Mum in her search for more details about Tom’s death and in her war widow entitlements.. (Incidentally that puzzle was solved by Howard Simpson the young lad from New Way – in 1998.This was a great relief to Mum.)

Ralph and Mum fell in love and married in 1950. Kate was born. At the time of Kate’s birth, Ralph had a son Leon who was 18 and I was 9 and now there was this sweet baby daughter. Happy family get togethers continued with singsongs galore – Ralph and Mum on piano.

After only 10 years of marriage, Ralph developed cancer and Mum nursed him at home as well as teaching and mothering us. Everybody helped us.

Mother returned to teaching and loved her many years at Taperoo Primary. She made several very strong friendships there. Joy Webber and Doss Clements were two of these.
The highlight of Mum’s life was a trip with Joy -a Womens Weekly World tour in the Himalaya in 1973.

Doss was talking to Mother only last week and these are reflections she made in 1986 about Mum as a teacher
“Always a lady… Never the need to raise a voice… Just a look of disbelief and disappointment and the most recalcitrant of infants would feel ashamed and mend their ways.”
We too experienced this as our only form of discipline and punishment.

In 1974 Mum sold the Largs house and bought her sweet unit at Walkerville. The gums and the views made her feel she was in the country. She walked the linear Park often up until very recently. New neighbours became friends. The death notice which was lovingly written by her current neighbours meant a lot to us and would have to Mum.

She joined the Walkerville Uniting Church and made wonderful friends who meant a great deal to her. We thank the friends in the Church for their ongoing support, their prayers and their contributions to today’s celebration of our mother’s life.

There are so many other things and just the words should conjure chapters.
Bridge. Over 60s Group. “Carn the Crows”.

Her last 5 weeks were spent in the Mary Potter Hospice. It was a heaven on earth for her and a wonderful transitional haven. Even there she was cheeky, grateful, funny, loved and loving. We were told “She’s a Gem”…”A Treasure”.. “What a Woman” and we agreed.

We will miss her very much but we have been very lucky to have had such a rich life with her. Kate and I are relieved that her death was RIGHT in so many ways. Her life of richness, love, laughter and generosity came to a peaceful closure on April 26th.
A poem has been written about her last day and I’d like to finish with a line from it.
“She died as she lived. Without fuss and somehow grand”

Meredith Bowman May 2 2001 

From Granddaughter Christie Anthoney

I haven’t seen Granny for a year, but through writing to her, I know she has kept up with my life. And, I’m extremely pleased to say that I took the bold step of writing her a farewell letter, which she received just last week.
I told her that no-one could hope for a better Granny. That Tom, Jourdan, Jasmine and I were the luckiest people in the world.
I told her that I loved the way she always made me feel special and clever and that nothing was out of my reach, and how excited I would get when I had news to tell her. She would clasp her hands
and gasp and be really pleased for me. I bet she made the other grand kids feel the same way.
I told her that she showed me how to keep my chin up, to never, never wallow in self pity and to look at the best in everything. I told her that l’m glad she taught me to knit.
I wish I’d thanked her for all of the delicious stews and cakes and soups and Christmas puddings she’s made us, even if Tom and Jourdan always got a little bit more than Jassie and that her spirit would always be with me, and mine with her.
Granny was enormous influence on my life and despite the fact I’m managing an international conference in Bristol next week, nothing could keep me from being here today.
On behalf of all of the grand kids, I want to say goodbye, we love you and thank you granny.

A poem by friend Michael Jacobs